I haven't made a word vomit post forever, but I have to get this out.
My New Years resolution for you...from me. :)
*Please respond to me if I try to correspond with you.* Ignore all the other people that don't care if you don't respond, but please know that I care if you respond. I'm starting to take it personal.
I am sad. :( Truly broken up. It's not your fault necessarily, but the biggest thing I'm struggling with right now is that I am reaching out, inviting, and trying to contact people (friends, family...) and people are not responding. Yes, they are just texts, emails, or evites, but they are something! Am I not worth seconds or minutes of your time? Are you that busy that you can't quickly respond? I'm trying to figure out why I'm feeling so deflated. I'm feeling rejected. I genuinely care about you. The time I had with you in my life meant something to me. If I invite you and you can't come just tell me. If I ask you a question, just answer it quick. I don't need an excuse or reason. I just need a response. I need to know you heard me. I thrive off of relationships and contact. I love being social. It is no problem if you don't share that love, but then be open with me, be straight with me, tell me to stop inviting you, tell me not to email you, don't assume that by no response I'll get the hint. I don't. For some reason I keep trying. Please just respond. I think it is so rude to ignore someone that tries to contact you.
One of my resolutions this year is to let go of people that don't reciprocate and don't make time for me. Simply because it hurts me and gets tiring to care about people that don't equally care for me. It's bringing me down. Killing me slowly. I am not trying to be dramatic. I truly feel like this. Trying to figure out if I'm the problem. Do I need to change me? Am I doing something wrong? How do I change this part of me and stop myself from caring? Is it wrong to try to invite people and contact them? Is it wrong to want to see people and plan things? Slowly I am starting to realize what I mean to lots of people and sadly it's not feeling like much. :( Hard reality to face. Is the remedy for me to stop feeling hurt by people- to stop caring about them? That will be hard. I know I sound a little crazy. I think I want so much more out of relationships than most. Steer clear of me! I am clearly high maintenance!! :) Be warned that if you are ever my friend, I will want to connect with you and care about you in some way my whole life. :) I love you and I want you in my life, but maybe I'll just have to let go and settle with the people who equally make effort and leave the rest of you alone? I guess this year will tell. Thanks for listening. I am not trying to be mean. Just trying to voice how I'm feeling and hoping for resolution.
To sum it up- If I contact you in some form- please acknowledge me. It will mean the world.
If this doesn't apply to you. Thank you for responding and being supportive and loyal. I mean well. If I'm missing something please share and help me understand.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
^Ed makes delicious waffles! We're lucky he likes to cook.
^Sarah had her first dance recital at the Festival of Trees. They did the cutest dance to "Suzy Snowflake". She is loving dance so far.
^Ed goes all out. Sometimes I call him Clark. He made that cool Merry Christmas sign. Talented. The lights looked great babe. :)
My friend Steph took some pics of Madison for 9 months. She did a great job!
^Sarah at the same age.
^HAD to capture her cuteness!
^FHE Tree Decor night.
^Madison's 9 month apt.
Like the older two, Madison is such a social baby. She loves exploring new people's faces and loves any eye contact she can get.
Length: 25.5 in (3%)
Weight: 14lbs 9oz (3%)
She is itty bitty! Went from 7% down to 3%. We're gonna work on that. She's wearing 6mo size clothes.
-steady sitter, pulling up on everything.
-Picking up objects, she can put her binky in herself. Starting to learn to put food in her mouth. She's graduated the bumbo and is now in a high chair.
-Using consonant sounds, ba-ba and da-da, understands her name and "no". ;)
- Wanting to eat everything we are. Losing interest in baby food if she see's real food in sight. Nursing 7am, 11am, 3pm and 6pm and one in the night. (I don't make much milk this time. We supplement some.) Starting to learn water in the sippy cup.
-Sleeps swaddled (she breaks free pretty quickly), with binki, and her giraffe blanket. Naps around 9am for an hour, 1pm for about 2 hours and in bed by 6:30pm. She's still waking once in the night around 4am, but I think it's because she's still small.
^Sarah finds way to play and entertain Madison all the time.
^FHE Gingerbread House Decor
^When I watched Debbie's kids one afternoon for a couple hours, Lexi and Madison loved playing together.
^Ed's grandparents had their 70th wedding anniversary! Amazing!
^Sarah had her last dance recital at the Dicken's Festival. She did great and gave us some cute little poses. After her recital we got dinner, ran into Santa, stopped off at cousins house and played quick before we took daddy to the airport.
^We had a post Ragnar shindig. I love making new friends. Good to see everyone again, eat food, visit and play some games. Fun bunch. Yay team! (We missed Brock and Andy)
^Our neighborhood had a party at the clubhouse and invited Santa and Mrs. Claus. Sarah asked for a barbie house and Kai for a trumpet. :)
^First round of neighborhood gifts! We have some great neighbors!
^The Ryan's invited us to the "Echos of Christmas" at Liberty Park. Good reason to get together with friends. I love to be invited.
Kai in his preschool Christmas program. He cracks me up. ;)
^Sick baby. :( She was SO cuddly! She had a high fever for a few days and popped out 2 bottom teeth after being sick.
^We went with Stewart and Nicole to get dinner and see the lights at Temple Square. Somehow we failed to get the group shot, but our little family got one. Beautiful evening with family.
^Ed took Sarah skiing for her first time. She loved it and picked up on it quick! Good job Sarah!
^ Our neighborhood friends had a party. We went to dinner and then had a ugly sweater and white elephant party. We (U fans) got BYU basketball tickets. Anyone?
^Christmas outfit get up for church. Festive are we.(me)
^Madison's get up. An old one of Sarah's. No big deal it's a 3mo old size and she's 9 months!!
Dec 24- Christmas Eve
^Christmastime=family and food. Some of my favorite things. Especially the ris a'la monde.
^Now you see them... now you don't. Santa's wife may have eaten the cookies for him. ;)
^Christmas Eve with the Harman's. New Christmas Jammies.
^New Christmas Ornaments.
^Christmas Eve Loot!
Dec 25- Christmas Day
^Gifts from Santa
^ We spent Christmas Day with the Johnson's at Neil and Jodi's but failed to get any pics. :( We ate and hung out. Kids were all passed out by the time we got home.
^ My cute, creative friend Michelle organized a Les Mis party with this cute invite:
^The kids were begging to go play in the snow and go sledding. Daddy took them. :)
^Our new favorite snack. Dehydrated fruit. It's like candy.
^Ed and I went to the "Octapella" concert in SLC. Some of his old friends sing in the group. It was great! And so was the chocolate cake we had to-go after. ;)
^Christmastime brings friends in town. Fun to see Pat and Lindsay.
^Time to clean up Christmas. This cutie got tangled in the lights as I put them away.
^Our friends had a last minute party for NYE. We took the kids out to dinner and then went and hung out for a couple hours. Glad to be mingling with neighbors more. 2013 is going to be good. I feel it.
Number 1 Resolution so far- Find Happiness in my role as wife and mother, simplify and let go of everything else bringing me down.
December Photo a Day-
1. Lincoln 2. Animated Christmas cartoons 3. Red CHRISTmas lights 4. Gifts we give and receive and sugar 5. Rainy 6. New stocking for new baby this year 7. Star 8. Last Years ornament 9. The Happiness Project 10. Wrapped empty gifts for decor 11. Wrapping paper 12. Celebration of 70 years married 13. Mine 14. Ours 15. O Holy Night 16. Our yard 17. Gifts 18. Hoping to be filled 19. Candy canes 20. Tree 1 21. Peace 22. Yearly Christmas cards 23. New this year 24. It snowed! 25. Unwrapped 26. Pretty food, great company 27. My flannel sheets and comfy pillow 28. December calendar 29. Dark. Inversion. Cloudy. 30.Untouched snow in my backyard 31. Baby playing in lights