I haven't made a word vomit post forever, but I have to get this out.
My New Years resolution for you...from me. :)
*Please respond to me if I try to correspond with you.* Ignore all the other people that don't care if you don't respond, but please know that I care if you respond. I'm starting to take it personal.
I am sad. :( Truly broken up. It's not your fault necessarily, but the biggest thing I'm struggling with right now is that I am reaching out, inviting, and trying to contact people (friends, family...) and people are not responding. Yes, they are just texts, emails, or evites, but they are something! Am I not worth seconds or minutes of your time? Are you that busy that you can't quickly respond? I'm trying to figure out why I'm feeling so deflated. I'm feeling rejected. I genuinely care about you. The time I had with you in my life meant something to me. If I invite you and you can't come just tell me. If I ask you a question, just answer it quick. I don't need an excuse or reason. I just need a response. I need to know you heard me. I thrive off of relationships and contact. I love being social. It is no problem if you don't share that love, but then be open with me, be straight with me, tell me to stop inviting you, tell me not to email you, don't assume that by no response I'll get the hint. I don't. For some reason I keep trying. Please just respond. I think it is so rude to ignore someone that tries to contact you.
One of my resolutions this year is to let go of people that don't reciprocate and don't make time for me. Simply because it hurts me and gets tiring to care about people that don't equally care for me. It's bringing me down. Killing me slowly. I am not trying to be dramatic. I truly feel like this. Trying to figure out if I'm the problem. Do I need to change me? Am I doing something wrong? How do I change this part of me and stop myself from caring? Is it wrong to try to invite people and contact them? Is it wrong to want to see people and plan things? Slowly I am starting to realize what I mean to lots of people and sadly it's not feeling like much. :( Hard reality to face. Is the remedy for me to stop feeling hurt by people- to stop caring about them? That will be hard. I know I sound a little crazy. I think I want so much more out of relationships than most. Steer clear of me! I am clearly high maintenance!! :) Be warned that if you are ever my friend, I will want to connect with you and care about you in some way my whole life. :) I love you and I want you in my life, but maybe I'll just have to let go and settle with the people who equally make effort and leave the rest of you alone? I guess this year will tell. Thanks for listening. I am not trying to be mean. Just trying to voice how I'm feeling and hoping for resolution.
To sum it up- If I contact you in some form- please acknowledge me. It will mean the world.
If this doesn't apply to you. Thank you for responding and being supportive and loyal. I mean well. If I'm missing something please share and help me understand.