Tuesday, January 22, 2013

My New Years resolution for you...

I haven't made a word vomit post forever, but I have to get this out.

My New Years resolution for you...from me. :)

*Please respond to me if I try to correspond with you.* Ignore all the other people that don't care if you don't respond, but please know that I care if you respond. I'm starting to take it personal.

I am sad. :( Truly broken up. It's not your fault necessarily, but the biggest thing I'm struggling with right now is that I am reaching out, inviting, and trying to contact people (friends, family...) and people are not responding.  Yes, they are just texts, emails, or evites, but they are something! Am I not worth seconds or minutes of your time? Are you that busy that you can't quickly respond? I'm trying to figure out why I'm feeling so deflated. I'm feeling rejected. I genuinely care about you. The time I had with you in my life meant something to me. If I invite you and you can't come just tell me. If I ask you a question, just answer it quick. I don't need an excuse or reason. I just need a response. I need to know you heard me. I thrive off of relationships and contact. I love being social. It is no problem if you don't share that love, but then be open with me, be straight with me, tell me to stop inviting you, tell me not to email you, don't assume that by no response I'll get the hint. I don't. For some reason I keep trying. Please just respond. I think it is so rude to ignore someone that tries to contact you.

One of my resolutions this year is to let go of people that don't reciprocate and don't make time for me. Simply because it hurts me and gets tiring to care about people that don't equally care for me. It's bringing me down. Killing me slowly. I am not trying to be dramatic. I truly feel like this. Trying to figure out if I'm the problem. Do I need to change me? Am I doing something wrong? How do I change this part of me and stop myself from caring? Is it wrong to try to invite people and contact them? Is it wrong to want to see people and plan things? Slowly I am starting to realize what I mean to lots of people and sadly it's not feeling like much. :( Hard reality to face.  Is the remedy for me to stop feeling hurt by people- to stop caring about them? That will be hard. I know I sound a little crazy. I think I want so much more out of relationships than most. Steer clear of me! I am clearly high maintenance!! :) Be warned that if you are ever my friend, I will want to connect with you and care about you in some way my whole life. :) I love you and I want you in my life, but maybe I'll just have to let go and settle with the people who equally make effort and leave the rest of you alone? I guess this year will tell. Thanks for listening. I am not trying to be mean. Just trying to voice how I'm feeling and hoping for resolution.

To sum it up- If I contact you in some form- please acknowledge me. It will mean the world.

If this doesn't apply to you. Thank you for responding and being supportive and loyal. I mean well. If I'm missing something please share and help me understand.

10 comments:

mj said...

I love your honesty, Linds. Don't ever stop caring. :) Can't wait for great escape 2013!!

Courtney said...

Sorry! That sucks! Unless you have had a serious personality shift in the last six years than it's not you :) I often think about our long runs and miss having someone to run with (or being able to run at all, if I'm being honest).

Kim said...

Aww Linds, it sucks to feel like people don't care. Maybe I've gotten used to it:). Sadly. I think I've told you this before but I think part of this is an unfortunate byproduct of Mormonism. It's almost like friends become disposable because it's so easy to make new ones. Seriously, we moved just a couple of miles away and it's felt like we moved a couple hundred miles away. I think the digital age makes it hard, too. I'll get an email on my phone and think, "I should wait to respond with a real email instead of a super brief one on my uncomfortable tiny phone." And then I forget and never do that. The friends I keep in touch with the best are the ones who I talk with on the phone. It just seems more real or something. I've always liked you and hopefully I've responded well enough overall (though I'm not perfect either). Can't wait to see you soon!

Angie Henderson said...

I'm glad you care about people. You and I were never very close, but we started to get to know each other better before you moved away. I consider you a friend. You are a fun and caring lady, don't change that. Looking forward to seeing you soon, just like Kim!

the watkins said...

I think you are so brave for writing so openly! I can only speak for myself... Obviously :) I have my own social issues and truly am pretty busy with my kids and family. Not to mention we have been sick more these last few months then ever! Those things aside I totally get into funks where I have to force myself to get out. I always love when I do and I think you are one of my friends that really is easy to feel comfortable around, whether its been weeks, months or years. I appreciate that you still ask me to do things, I might not come often, but I never regret when I do!

Tierney Kirk said...

Lindsey, I totally feel the same way! There are so many times that I feel like if I wasn't the one trying to keep in contact, most of my friendships would fade away, since very few of my friends actually call/initiate things with me.

One thing that helped me some was when one of these friends thanked me for always calling her, and apologized for rarely calling me. She said that some people just have a talent for staying in touch and connecting with people. It still hurts sometimes when she never calls, but it was nice to know that she does care, but thinking about that long distance contact doesn't cross her mind as much.

I'm totally with Kim on the email thing; I'll read an email then plan to respond later, then totally forget. Hopefully your friends (including me!) will get better about responding. It sucks to feel like people don't care about you. I've been there many times!

Rach said...

I love you Linz! I really do. I am probably exactly the type of person you wrote this post for. I am really sorry. I am really bad at responding and I need to work on it. I will try and be better about posting comments on your blog and stuff!
Miss you!

Kristen said...

Oh Lindsey, I totally get this! I feel the same way often yet I fear I am one of the worst culprits as well. It is definitely something I need to work on. I think it's important to take that little bit of time to respond to people so they know you care. I have always loved how you are a "doer." You are always arranging things and inviting people. Don't ever stop!

Krista said...

sorry you're feeling like this! i hardly look at blogs anymore, but just got your comment and wanted to respond.
thanks for the comment! i love when people relate to me..like you said, the 3rd pregnancy was the hardest...and i'm already feeling like i'm going to be able to cherish this third baby more so than my first 2. the first, it was just all so knew and a bit stressful, the 2nd i had postpartum and finally i feel like i know what to expect and can just enjoy! i'm looking forward to it!
hope things look up!

Meghan said...

Linds!

I totally know how you feel! Unfortunately- I agree with Tierney. I am so bad at initiating/planning things and am simply awful at responding to e-mails and messages.I think some people just have a talent for it. It's not that I don't care about the person, it's that sometimes I get so wrapped up in my little life that I hardly come up for air at all. When I do it's so last-minute "hey I have a free morning and I want to play with friends" that I rarely act on the impulse.

I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time. I have been too and I think January is hard for everyone. I somehow missed hanging out with you while you were in town and I am so sad:(.

I can't imagine anyone not loving your company. You are simply wonderful. We miss you around here and you have been gone for awhile. You see? You totally made your mark on Sunnyvale! So keep your chin up- it's not you it's them.

-Meg