Confessions

I have to confess that I am SO grateful for Ed. Every once in a while I freak out, get a little OCD, turn grouchy and have to clean, clean, clean, or I just want to be grouchy! Ed is truly patient, supportive and understanding. Last night he just started helping me clean and left me alone and didn't complain. He's always quick to forget my faults and almost never mentions anything negative about me. Sometimes I feel like I'm too quick to criticize, nag or complain and for this I am truly grateful for such a helpful, loving, hard working husband that allows me the time to stay home and raise our baby Sarah even if it gets routine sometimes. Ed always seems happy to see me and give me a kiss and hug. I could work on that. Thanks honey, I love you!!

I have to confess that I love going into Sarah's room in the night, morning and afternoons to get her out of her crib after a nap. It's one of my favorite things to see her smile at me. She is always so happy to see me. Her smiles are so adorable! It feels so great to be needed. Being a mother is demanding, so good thing these precious babies are so cute and easy to love and care for. I'm so blessed to be a mother!!

I have to confess that the anxiety of being a first time parent has finally left and I'm so much more relaxed. I think I finally figured out Sarah and I GET IT!! I know how to read her almost always AFTER 3 months!!! There are still hard days, but now I can better distinguish her cries, I know when she's hungry, when she's ready for a nap, or when she's bored. She is now taking regular naps and transitions are much smoother and predictable. Maybe it took me a little longer than most, but I am so grateful for the experience. The Lord is so great to let us learn by experience and trial. No one could give me the answer. I had to experience it to learn. I think about all the times that Sarah would cry (before I had a clue) and now it's much more obvious to me about what she needed. I could have saved her (and me) a lot of crying. Thank goodness for a patient, loving baby that wont remember or point out my faults either.

I have to confess...don't worry Ed :)...that last night I actually thought about having another baby and liked it. I welcomed the thought as I was cuddling Sarah into me. I was replaying her birth, thinking about how small she was, and how much I love her. I will always remember and love my first baby. I think the shock of it all (1st baby) kind of takes away from the experience and enjoyment because you are still trying to learn what to do. I feel like Sarah is growing so fast. She is fitting in newborn clothes that once drowned her! The advancements are fun yet sad all at the same time. That doesn't mean I am ready to have another anytime soon, but I am excited for the time (pregnancy and all) when we decide we're ready again.